


Guard Duty

by vala (valinorean)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: EWE, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-29
Updated: 2010-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valinorean/pseuds/vala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is more boring for a security officer than a night at the Ministry</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guard Duty

**Author's Note:**

> Written for HD Season's 13 Smutty Nights of Halloween, night 11 (graveyard, scream)

Quite possibly the most boring job in the world is guard duty at the Ministry of Magic. Ever since Voldemort’s defeat there has not been a single incident or disturbance inside the Ministry building. With Auror recruitment at an all time high and the DMLE bursting with high morale, the Ministry was is safe as a Galleon in Gringotts.

Nothing – _absolutely nothing_ – ever goes on, especially at night. Sure there are the few workaholic employees who only remembers to step out of their offices after the midnight clock had struck. And since crime never sleeps, there is always someone at one of the Magical Law Enforcement offices. It has been considered a fate worse than death to be a security officer in the Ministry doing a graveyard shift, as Ned Runcorn can attest.

So it is to Ned’s surprise when one night he hears a distant screaming while he is patrolling the second level of the Ministry. With the clumsiness of one who is used to a life of lazy and laid back employment, Ned runs full tilt to the source of disturbance while praying that his dueling skills and hexes are not too rusty from lack of use.

He soon finds himself in the Auror department in DMLE and wonders why other law enforcement officers are not alerted by the noise. He finds his answer when he enters the Auror offices and sees that not a single soul is in sight.

He begins to systematically search the area, starting with the Head Auror’s office down to the interrogation rooms. When he is satisfied that there has been no suspicious activity in the area, Ned decides to check the last room in the department: the office pantry.

It was when he was searching the small kitchen that he hears the distinct screaming noise again. It is neither a cry for help nor a cry of agony. In fact, it sounds more like the indignant cry of someone who has just been bitten by the Monster Book of Monster, or possibly slapped in the arse.

The next moment, Ned hears the sound of loud grunting and grinding furniture right outside the kitchen. He holds his shaking wand hand aloft, determined to burst out of the kitchen to apprehend the culprit because _damn it_ he is a security officer and he is supposed to be maintaining the peace. But the thought that it might possibly be a Dark Wizard trying to break into the Auror offices holds him back. After all, he is not trained to apprehend such criminals and it is most definitely _not_ part of his job description.

In the end, Ned takes the coward’s way out and hides in the supply cupboard when he heard a hard body slam into the kitchen door, followed by loud scuffling and furious whispering voices. Ned has never been sorrier in his life that he never paid any attention to his DADA classes when he was in Hogwarts, because a corporeal Patronus would be most helpful in calling for assistance just about now.

The door slams open and Ned listens closely from inside the cupboard, trying to guess the nature and intent of the intruder, and nearly huffs in indignation at what he hears.

“Are you sure about this?” a man’s voice asks warily. It is soon followed by wet sloppy noises and a whimper of delight.

“I’ve checked. No one’s here but us,” another man replies as a low moan reverberates through the small kitchen.

The snick of a Locking Charm and a muttered Silencing Spell proved beyond a shadow of doubt what “ _this_ ” is. _The nerve!_ Ned thinks. It is obvious that a clandestine meeting is happening right under his nose. And if the confidently muttered spells of furniture transfiguration is anything to go by, Ned is more than sure that this is not the first time it has happened.

Fuming, he puffs his chest where his Security Officer badge is prominently displayed, and prepares to burst out of the small supply cupboard to apprehend the two men. But just as he is to about raise his wand and turn the door’s knob, a cry of “ _Potter_ ” broke through.

 _What did he just say?_

“Nghh…Potter!”

Ned freezes in shock before comprehension dawns on him. Because if one of the men is Potter, _the_ Harry Potter, then that must mean that the other man is…

“Fuck, Malfoy! You’re too—!”

 _Merlin, Mordred and Morgana!_ Ned cannot think of a more embarrassing, if not extremely dangerous, situation than he is in now. Because just behind the door are the two top Aurors in the squad and there is no doubt in his mind that he will be hexed into the next month if they catch him listening in on their...well, tryst.

“Salazar that feels good, I—”

“Raise your leg a bit so I can—”

“Yes, right there!”

“—too good, I think I’m—”

“Harder! I want you to—”

Whatever they are about to say is suddenly drowned by a low hissing sound that resonates in the room. A shiver runs down Ned’s spine as the sound reminds him of snakes and Dark curses. The sound, however, is unlike any other that he has heard as the pitch would rise and dip at intervals.

 _Oh Merlin!_ Ned clamps his mouth shut to prevent the surprised yelp that involuntarily escapes him upon realizing what is happening. _Is he using Parseltongue?!_ And he is reminded once again of just how extremely powerful the wizard at the other side of the door is. He is not just Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. He is _the Harry Potter_ , the man who defeated Voldemort himself. And no doubt the same powerful magic that rid the world of the Dark Lord can be very well aimed at him if he doesn’t stay as still as a statue in the next few minutes.

Ned clamps his ears, trying to shut out the disturbingly arousing sound. He vows never to take another graveyard shift again because, bloody hell, this has just turned into one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.


End file.
